Updated: Jan 28
I am sitting in the airport and finally feel like I have a moment to decompress and relax. I have been so stressed out lately and this next hour before I board my flight is so precious to me and just feels so rare as of late.
I have never been one to play the woman card but I'm putting it out there...being a woman is hard. Being an adult is hard. There are so many appointments and commitments filling my days, weeks, and months. Sometimes I feel like a whole week will go by and I'm barely breathing. I work a full time job, run & promote this business, work three side jobs, try to be a good wife, worry constantly about my chronically sick dog, try to keep a clean house, all while trying to maintain my relationships with friends & attempting to make new ones. I try to maintain my health, my image, my sanity...and I don't even have kids yet (so I know I can't complain too much, moms).
Let me tell you about my last 24 hours. I spent a good 6 hours last night decorating some pretty adorable sugar cookies for my dear friend's bridal shower. Before bed, I packaged them up in their individual bags and put them in the middle of the kitchen island. I woke up at 5:30am to get ready for work only to find that my dog Cash (with a chronic gastrointestinal disease) decided to jump up on the counter and eat half of them (rewind three days earlier when I made the cookie dough for these and accidentally used baking soda in place for baking powder...had to throw them out and make a whole new batch). I then spent most of my day at work sneakily texting my husband to find out about my dog's bowel movements. Romantic, right? Seriously though I couldn't stop worrying until I knew he had gone and everything was normal. I lose sleep every night worrying about my dog. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of tears because since his surgery in January, he has lost almost 20lbs (and continues to lose weight) and we can't seem to figure out a way to help him. It is an awful thing to feel helpless and still try to keep a smile through everything else.
I would be lying if I said I don't compare myself to other women. I do...constantly. I compare their looks, their success, their happiness. It's what most women do, I'm not ashamed to admit it. But I know that their lives aren't perfect...they all have things going on that keep them up at night or make them burst into tears in the shower. It's so important to remember that when you're feeling down about yourself or your situation. Everyone goes through those phases.
I sometimes put this pressure on myself that I need to always maintain a perfect image and that is just plain crazy. I think for me, it comes from wanting to be a good role model to those around me more so than caring what people think all the time. In reality, making mistakes and being vulnerable is part of being human and letting others see that side is a really healthy thing.
So for those of you who think I always have my sh*t together, I assure you I do not. I can go a long period of time keeping something bottled up but I just get to a point where I could burst. This week has definitely been that way. In no way do I want this to come across as a pity party, but I have to say it feels good to write these feelings out.
God is good, and I am incredibly happy with the path my life has taken. I just strive to be a good, kind person. I am surrounded by wonderful people who support me and encourage me always and I am so grateful. So I know that this too shall pass. In the meantime, I would really love for my dog to get healthy.
Thank you to my husband. I love dancing through life with you and figuring out what's next for us.
And now I can't wait to celebrate a beautiful bride tomorrow! Even if I don't have enough cookies for everyone. :)